New York Subways: Crime Underground Means Hard Time

A word-processor finds himself in the holding cell of a precinct house, having been arrested for putting his backpack down in an empty seat next to him in an empty subway car, working the night shift at a firm in Manhattan.

Criminal 1: What are you in for?

Criminal 2: I took up an extra seat on the subway with my bag.

Criminal 2: Hey man, i didn't mean nothing by it, just don't make me your bitch.

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Criminal 1: Pardon?

Criminal 2: I know all about you seat grabbers. there's no tougher guys in this pen. See that guy over there? With three teardrops tattooed under his eye? That means he's a killer. See that gash on his forehead? Just the other day he tried to push around one of you guys and he got blasted.

Criminal 1: What you mean?

Criminal 2: Samsonite three-incher attache case. Black guy wearing a Phillipe-Patek. They thought he was a drug dealer, but he turned out to be a Wall street broker and he lawyered up and is suing their City asses for half-a-million for false arrest I hear. Those Samsonites leave a mark. And you, you've got, what? A Swiss army laptop backpack. The one with the braided wire handle. Those can kill man, you hit a guy in the neck with that handle. I just wanna live man.

Criminal 1: What are you talking about? I'm just a data entry guy working in the back of a law firm.

Criminal 2: So you're lawyered up already, wow. Big firm?

Criminal 1: Well actually...Dewey, Skruum and Howe.

Criminal 2: That's heavy man, where did you get the bread for a big name defense firm like that?

Criminal 1: Actually, they do white collar crime, but I work for them, they're not my law...

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